Why I Stopped Dating And Started Golfing With Old Folks In Palm Springs Instead

Visit Carrieamitchell.com and my substack for more

It’s been a wild few decades. Mainly wrapped up in the career hustle of New York City, Los Angeles, London, and now in the entrepreneurial and creative pursuits across the nation. All involving a lot of learning, travel, and yes — misadventures in dating. Now I have always been the kind of gal who bucked at tradition, who loved my independence, my own home, sense of freedom and need to roam (cities, not people, geez). I grew up watching old movies with “strong female leads” that included fast talking broads like Bette Davis, Katharine Hepburn, Lauren Bacall (followed by the 80s movies which I wrote about here), and after frankly watching so many marriages around me fall apart while I was growing up, I thought — these Ladies have the kind of gumption & feistiness I like, the old-school class I like, the independent adventures I like, and I don’t see many men that actually appreciate it in practice, so I knew early on that traditional coupledom was not for me. While I thoroughly enjoy meeting people, have had some great (& terrible) relationships, one near engagement, and am an unabashed romantic, I side stepped the permanent commitments and put marriage in a ‘maybe’ box that has since been collecting dust. Perhaps marriage and kids were not for me, and I have always been at ease about that, however many other people tried to thrust their own choices on me (PSA: Don’t do that. It’s not like I see many good current relationship examples either, so lay off). As (single) actor Chris Evans recently stated in an interview “I’m the one who fears being enveloped. I was always a really autonomous (person) my whole life”. I get it, Captain America. Fancy a date? But I digress…

A few years ago, something happened. I had done so much growing and work on myself, and thought that it might be a great time to meet new people out of my usual circles— with no particular expectations of anything, just a genuine goal of meeting worldly, culture people with their own story — might be a good idea. In fairness, I do often get approached but just not always open to receiving that, and something had to give. Afterall, I am forever engaging in conversation with strangers on my travels, and love that after a certain age, we are all carry baggage but also incredible experiences and tales. And maybe, just maybe, other people jive with our own mess and individual construct. And so I arrived very late to the game of app dating, which I did with very little enthusiasm, but patted myself on the back for being less introverted, protective, and perhaps a bit less snobby. It didn’t take long for me to figure out the things to look for on profiles that would lead me to like mindedness and good conversation — I rarely swiped right on anyone, but when I did, and if we met, the chats were top notch, and I became friends with many wonderful men. But I still couldn’t leap. There were things I still needed to do on my own, though I was slowly realizing some of those things might be nice to do with someone who genuinely had my back and was a cheerleading friend that I could smooch too (I know, I know….I’m working on it). However, let’s not forget that the City of Los Angeles where I am currently based, operates as a perpetual never-never land, where Peter Pan syndrome looms large and focus on plastic nonsense does too. On the east coast I was meeting business leaders, professors, TV anchors, journalists, authors and more, who I had a lot in common with. In the west, it was almost all entertainment and advertising (except for San Francisco, which was more NY-like as I discovered from a brief experiment changing my app location. What can I say, I love research, and was spending time there too). I like those creative types too, though I always connected better with those who had lived in cities like NY or London at some point, since after a decade+ living there, there is just something deeply ingrained in my being. After signing up and deleting my accounts a few times, sick to death of going to bars/restaurants, of small talk, and stupidly questioning my own self-worth (we all do it), I decided to once again pause the dating. For now. I needed to stop unnecessary pressure and stressing, and enjoy myself around people without agenda, and who seemed to actually be living/enjoying life: Seniors

Now hear me out. I spend a lot of time on the road, and certainly all over the state of California. Since I work in hospitality, I often find myself in the desert — Palm Springs, Palm Desert- where my family also visits regularly. Every time I come here — EVERY TIME — I end up meeting seniors who are so kind, fun, active, it puts everyone else to shame. (It has also always bothered me that there is so much ridiculous ageism in this country, and that we all suffer for a lack of cross-generational conversation). There is something extremely comforting about being around people at ease with themselves, their years of experience, and frankly their amusement at our modern franticness. Some of my most recent encounters include:

• The time I saw a couple by their 1959 Rolls Royce, they told me they collect many and drive them around the country, we hit it off, I set them up on instagram, and before I knew it, I was having lunch with them and back at their house viewing the rest of their car collection which included more Rolls’ from 1929, 33, 39
• The time I hit off a conversation with the owner of one of my favorite vintage art stores, and we had so much in common (he was 80, originally from Chicago), that he cracked a bottle of rosé mid afternoon, sat down in the middle of the shop and kept chatting, customers be damned — thanks Jim!
• The time my friend’s grandmother & her friend (Hello Ella & Doris!) started going down memory lane over a lunch about their Hollywood days ,which ended up with us all drinking martinis and later raiding their incredible vintage closets.
• The time I “accidentally” joined in on what was clearly a regular Starbucks gathering in the morning, and ended up talking politics and the war(s) with a bunch of older gentlemen, which included an ex-politician and ex-Chicago Blackhawk player (Thanks boys!)
• The time I escorted someone to a local church (a rarity for me), and the congregation came up to me after saying how nice it was to see “a young person” (at my age, that is wonderful to hear ;), how much they admired that, and ALL asked if they could do anything for me on my stay in the area. (Shout out to Palm Springs Presbyterian Church)
• *Not to mention that fact that whenever my great-uncles would take me out to lunch when I visited them, they would drink me under the table, laughing the whole time.

I have these conversations because I stay open to them, and you should too. These people have LIVED, have stories, don’t judge you (as much), and frankly know how to have a good time & include people. I haven’t had so many random adventures, laughs and people getting my old movie/music references in a long, long time. And I didn’t question myself, and how I was presenting myself, once. So you know what? F**k it. If you need me, you can find me playing tennis, golf, talking 1940’s entertainment hits, sipping at 5pm cocktail hour in caftans and in bed at a reasonable hour in Palm Springs. I invite you to join me, it will do your soul some good.

Let’s stay connected: CMMedia, My Blog + The Age Box, Newsletter, Linkedin, Youtube, TikTok, Instagram, Shop